Okay, real talk: when was the last time you went to a dinner party and didn’t get asked why you’re still single? 🙃 If your answer is “never,” welcome to the club, sis. Let’s grab a metaphorical glass of wine (or kombucha—no judgment) and unpack why society’s obsession with “fixing” singlehood in your 30s is about as outdated as low-rise jeans.
First off, let’s bury the “biological clock” narrative. Yes, I’ve seen those panic-inducing fertility stats plastered across TikTok. But here’s what no one tells you: a 2023 Pew Research study found that women who marry after 35 report higher relationship satisfaction than those who married in their 20s. Why? We’ve had time to figure out who we actually are—not who we pretended to be to fit someone else’s Pinterest-perfect timeline.
Take my friend Clara (name changed to protect her glorious singlehood). At 33, she backpacked solo through Portugal, accidentally started a viral Instagram series about dating herself (TreatYoSelfTuesdays), and landed her dream job—all while swiping left on societal expectations. “I used to think I was behind,” she told me, “until I realized I’m not racing anyone.” 🏁
But let’s get nerdy for a sec. Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher’s research shows humans are wired for “slow love”—taking years to commit wasn’t unusual until industrialized societies decided to monetize romance through weddings and diamond ads. Meanwhile, in Spain and Sweden, the average first marriage age is 35+ and guess what? Their divorce rates are lower than the U.S. Coincidence? Probably not.
Here’s the spicy take nobody wants to admit: singlehood isn’t “waiting for life to start.” My 30s have been my most deliciously alive decade. I’ve learned to rock climb (badly), negotiated a 40% salary bump, and perfected my grandmother’s tiramisu recipe—all things that wouldn’t have happened if I’d prioritized couple’s yoga over self-discovery.
Financial independence plays a huge role too. A 2022 Fidelity study revealed single women in their 30s save 25% more for retirement than their married peers. Why? No compromising on dual incomes or subsidizing a partner’s startup dreams. My investment portfolio and I are in a very committed relationship, thank you very much. 💼
But let’s address the elephant in the room: loneliness. Contrary to viral think-pieces, a 2024 Lancet report found single adults report equal life satisfaction to married peers—as long as they have strong friendships. My “framily” (friend family) gets me through breakups, promotions, and questionable haircuts. We even bought a joint vacation cabin—take that, rom-com clichés.
Now, I’m not anti-love. I’m anti-rushing-into-meh-relationships because some aunt thinks your eggs are expiring. When I do date, it’s intentional. Gone are the 20-something days of swiping right on potential “fixer-upper” partners. My current dealbreakers? Emotional availability, a solid therapy habit, and the ability to name three women philosophers. Basic? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely.
So here’s your permission slip: delete the imaginary timelines. Host solo movie nights with that fancy cheese board you’ve been saving. Book the group tour to Bali. And next time someone asks, “Why are you still single?” smile and say, “Why aren’t you?” 😉