Let me paint you a scene: Last Tuesday, I spilled oat milk on a stranger’s tote bag at a coffee shop. My immediate reaction? “OMG I’m so sorry!” – hands flapping, face burning, whole body shriveling like week-old spinach. Then it hit me: Why was I performing a full Broadway apology number for a droplet of liquid? 🤦♀️
Turns out, my “sorry syndrome” wasn’t just awkward – it was eroding my confidence. Psychologists call this “over-apologizing” a stealthy confidence killer. When we constantly minimize our presence (“Sorry, just passing through!” “Sorry, quick question!”), we subconsciously reinforce the idea that we’re inconveniences. Not exactly a flex for that ~empowered queen~ energy, right?
Here’s the plot twist: Confidence isn’t about being loud or perfect. It’s about occupying space without cringing. I started experimenting:
1️⃣ The Power Pose Hack
Before important Zoom calls, I’d stand like a starfish for two minutes (science-backed TMI: This boosts testosterone by 20%!). First attempt felt ridiculous. By week three? Caught myself lecturing a client about boundaries while literally spreading out on my couch like a contented cat. 🐈⬛
2️⃣ The Apology Audit
Tracked my “sorries” for 48 hours. The tally? 37. Thirty. Seven. Including apologizing to a PARK BENCH I bumped into. The fix? Swapping “Sorry I’m late” with “Thank you for waiting.” Suddenly, I’m not a criminal – I’m someone worth waiting for.
3️⃣ The Mirror Game
Started saying “I’m allowed to…” while making eye contact with myself. First round: “I’m allowed to… uh… exist?” (Cue nervous laughter). Now? Full-on declarations: “I’m allowed to charge what I’m worth” and “I’m allowed to reject plans when I’m tired.” Game changer.
But here’s the real tea: Confidence isn’t linear. Last month, I froze during a salary negotiation and accidentally agreed to $5/hour less than I wanted. Instead of spiraling (“Fake empowerment! Fraud!”), I emailed them the next day: “Upon reflection, my rate is actually…” Got the adjusted offer and a “We respect your clarity” note.
What changed? I stopped viewing confidence as a personality trait (“she’s just naturally bold!”) and started treating it like a muscle. Some days you’re doing metaphorical bicep curls, other days you’re the human equivalent of wobbly jelly. Both count.
The ultimate hack? Surround yourself with “expansion energy” people. Dumped the friend who’d sigh when I discussed career goals (“Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself?”). Now I’ve got a group chat where we celebrate everything from promotions to successfully returning Zara pants without a receipt. 👯♀️
Final thought: Confidence isn’t about never doubting yourself. It’s about hearing that critical inner voice say “You’re not ready” and replying “Watch me.” Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to drink matcha in a crowded café – without apologizing for taking up a table. Hair flip