So, I was scrolling through my phone last night, sipping on my third cup of chamomile tea (because, let’s be real, sleep is overrated), and I stumbled upon this question in a forum: “What’s the secret to dating success?” 🤔 And you know what? It got me thinking. As someone who’s been through the trenches of modern dating—from the awkward first dates to the “why did I even swipe right?” moments—I’ve learned a thing or two. And no, I’m not here to give you a list of clichés like “be yourself” or “play hard to get.” Let’s get real.
First off, let’s talk about the do’s.
1. Do: Know Your Worth
I can’t stress this enough. Dating is not about proving yourself to someone else. It’s about finding someone who adds value to your life. I used to think that if I just showed how “chill” I was, guys would stick around. Spoiler alert: they didn’t. Why? Because I was so busy trying to be what I thought they wanted that I forgot to be me. Now, I go into every date with the mindset of “Are they good enough for me?” instead of the other way around. Trust me, it’s a game-changer.
2. Do: Communicate Your Boundaries
This one’s huge. If you’re not comfortable with something, say it. I used to be so afraid of coming off as “difficult” that I’d let things slide that I shouldn’t have. But here’s the thing: a guy who respects you will appreciate your honesty. And if he doesn’t? Well, that’s your cue to walk away. Boundaries aren’t just about physical stuff, either. It’s also about emotional boundaries. Don’t let someone drain your energy or make you feel small.
3. Do: Keep Your Life Outside of Dating
One of the biggest mistakes I made in my early dating days was putting all my eggs in one basket. I’d meet someone I liked, and suddenly, my entire world revolved around them. Big mistake. Not only does this put too much pressure on the relationship, but it also makes you lose sight of who you are. Keep your hobbies, your friends, and your independence. A healthy relationship is about two whole people coming together, not two halves trying to make a whole.
Now, let’s talk about the don’ts.
1. Don’t: Ignore Red Flags
Ah, red flags. We’ve all been there. You meet someone, and they seem great, but there’s this little voice in the back of your head saying, “Hmm, something’s off.” And what do we do? We ignore it. Why? Because we’re so caught up in the idea of being in a relationship that we’re willing to overlook the warning signs. But here’s the thing: red flags don’t go away. They just get bigger. So, if something feels off, trust your gut.
2. Don’t: Play Games
I know, I know. The whole “play hard to get” thing is tempting. But let’s be real: games are exhausting. And honestly, if you have to play games to keep someone interested, are they really worth it? I used to think that if I didn’t text back right away or acted like I didn’t care, guys would want me more. But all it did was create unnecessary drama. Be honest about your feelings. If you like someone, tell them. If you don’t, tell them that, too. Life’s too short for mind games.
3. Don’t: Settle
This one’s a biggie. I get it. Dating can be exhausting. And sometimes, it’s tempting to just settle for someone who’s “good enough.” But here’s the thing: you deserve more than “good enough.” You deserve someone who makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate you, who doesn’t make an effort, or who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
And finally, let’s talk about something that doesn’t get enough attention: self-love.
Dating is hard. There’s no denying that. But the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself with kindness. And remember, you don’t need someone else to complete you. You’re already whole.
So, there you have it. My two cents on the unwritten rules of dating. It’s not about following a set of rigid guidelines. It’s about knowing your worth, setting boundaries, and being true to yourself. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always chamomile tea and a good rom-com. 😉