Okay, let’s start with full transparency: I killed a cactus last month. A cactus. The plant that thrives on neglect. Meanwhile, my Instagram feed insists I should be acing sourdough baking, hosting immaculate dinner parties, and doing sunrise yoga in linen sets. 🙃 Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing—I’ve spent years chasing invisible finish lines. The “shoulds” piled up like unread newsletters: I should meal-prep kale salads! I should want marriage! I should love networking events! Until one day, mid-panic attack over mismatched throw pillows, I realized: We’re not failing at life. We’re just following the wrong script.
Let’s talk data. A 2022 Penn State study found that women who base self-worth on external expectations (career status, appearance, etc.) experience 43% higher cortisol levels. Translation? We’re literally sweating buckets to meet standards we never chose. Meanwhile, my Swedish friend Lina—who unapologetically works part-time as a florist and spends weekends foraging mushrooms—radiates more joy than a Pinterest board. Coincidence?
The “Shoulds” Detox Plan
1. Name the Impostor Rules ✍️
I started a “Bullshit Should List.” Entry 1: “I should stay quiet to avoid seeming difficult.” Turns out, that “rule” came from my middle-school choir director who hated side conversations. Why was I letting a 2004 afterschool activity dictate my Zoom meetings?
2. Embrace the Power of “Meh” 🛋️
I skipped a networking event to rewatch Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth lake scene, obviously). Instead of guilt, I felt… human. Psychologist Dr. Emily Anhalt notes that intentional rest isn’t laziness—it’s “reclaiming agency.” Bonus: No awkward small talk about blockchain!
3. Redefine “Productivity” 🌿
My new metric: Does this spark curiosity or connection? Gardening replaced productivity podcasts. I’ve grown exactly three cherry tomatoes, but guess what? The dirt under my nails tells a better story than any LinkedIn accolade.
The Joy Audit 💡
I interviewed 30 women about their “unnecessary shoulds.” Meet Clara, 34, who quit marathon training to take pottery classes: “Turns out, I hate running. But I love making lopsided mugs that my mom calls ‘quirky’.” Or Priya, 28, who downgraded her wedding to a taco truck picnic: “We spent the savings on a rescue dog. Best life decision.”
Science backs this up. A Harvard longitudinal study found that people who prioritize “inner compass” goals over societal ones report deeper life satisfaction—even if their choices look “messy” externally.
But What About FOMO? 😥
Oh, I still feel it. When I see GirlBoss posts, part of me twinges. Then I remember: Comparison is just capitalism’s way of selling us solutions to invented problems. As author Sonya Renee Taylor says, “You don’t have to monetize your joy.” My cactus may be dead, but my windowsill now holds a neon pink air plant named Beyoncé. Progress, not perfection.
Your Turn 💌
What “should” will you ditch this week? A side hustle that feels like a straitjacket? Apologizing for taking up space? Share below—let’s normalize being gloriously, imperfectly ourselves.
