You know that moment when you’re halfway through your oat milk latte, doom-scrolling through Instagram, and suddenly everyone’s life looks like a Pinterest board? ✨ Triathlete moms! CEOs with 12-step skincare routines! Women who apparently meal-prep while hosting pottery workshops?! Meanwhile, I’m over here celebrating because I remembered to water my succulents and wear matching socks. 🙃
Let’s get real: the whole “having it all” narrative is about as authentic as a TikTok filter. I used to obsess over that phrase—until I realized it’s code for “burnout disguised as achievement.” 🤯 A 2022 Stanford study found that women who chase society’s “ideal success blueprint” are 47% more likely to experience chronic stress. Why? Because “all” is a moving target designed by… who, exactly? Probably someone who’s never had to unclog a shower drain while negotiating a work call.
Here’s my hot take: success isn’t a trophy shelf; it’s a vibe. My therapist (shoutout to her! 🧠) once asked me to define “all.” I rambled about promotions, yoga retreats, and homemade sourdough. She paused and said, “So… you want to perform life, not live it?” Mic drop.
Let’s dissect the myth:
1. The Timeline Trap: We’re told to “crush goals” by 30, but biologist Dr. Lisa Damour notes that female brains keep evolving until mid-40s. My 25-year-old self wanted a corner office; my 35-year-old self wants naps and boundaries. Both are valid.
2. The Comparison Black Hole: Research in Journal of Social Psychology shows comparing ourselves to others reduces life satisfaction by 32%. Unfollow that “bossbabe” who’s stressing you out. Your mental health > her aesthetic.
3. The ‘Productivity = Worth’ Lie: My Hungarian grandma survived a war, raised four kids, and judged success by how loudly people laughed at her paprika jokes. Wisdom alert: joy > hustle.
Redesigning success starts with auditing your “shoulds.” Last year, I quit a “prestigious” job to freelance. My mom gasped: “But you worked so hard!” Yeah—to afford therapy for the anxiety that job caused! 😂 Now I work in pajamas, take Tuesday matinees, and my “peak productivity” involves writing this post between pancake flips.
Three rebellious steps I stole from life coaches (but made less cringe):
🔥 Define Your Non-Negotiables: For me? Sleep, solo walks, and refusing to feel guilty for outsourcing chores. A Harvard study found people who protect 2–3 personal priorities report 60% higher fulfillment.
🔥 Embrace “Good Enough”: My friend Elena calls it “B+ living.” So what if your kid eats nuggets three nights a week? You’re keeping humans alive! That’s Nobel Prize-level work.
🔥 Rewire Your Metrics: Instead of “What did I achieve?” ask “When did I feel alive today?” Maybe it was singing off-key to Lizzo or finally saying “no” to that draining group chat.
The magic happens when we stop conflating busyness with purpose. I’ll never be a morning person or a minimalist (RIP, my neon coffee mug collection). But my version of “all” includes messy laughter, imperfect growth, and knowing when to quit—like ditching this draft to dance to ABBA. 💃