Okay, let’s get real. Last week, I accidentally overdrafted my account buying another scented candle labeled “financial security” (irony, I know). As I sat there sniffing vanilla-lavender regret, it hit me: My relationship with money feels like that toxic ex who ghosts you but still likes your Instagram stories. Sound familiar?
Turns out, 78% of women experience “money shame” according to new research (shoutout to my fellow panic-scrollers of bank apps at 2am 👋). But here’s the plot twist: Financial therapy isn’t about budgets spreadsheets. It’s about why we’d rather eat expired yogurt than ask for a raise. Let’s unpack this.
The “Good Girl” Tax
Remember being told to “act ladylike” about money? Yeah, me too. We’ve been socially programmed to see financial ambition as “unfeminine” – like wanting a promotion somehow cancels out our ability to bake perfect banana bread. A study showed women negotiate salaries 23% less often than men, and when we do, we apologize twice as much. I once literally said “sorry” before asking my boss for a cost-of-living adjustment. For existing during inflation.
The Ghosts of Money Past
My “money story” started with watching my mom hide grocery bills from my dad. Yours might involve overhearing “we can’t afford that” or being told rich people are “snobs.” These imprints create what therapists call financial trauma – and honey, it’s not your fault. Our nervous systems literally treat money decisions like survival threats. No wonder online shopping feels like Xanax!
The BFF Makeover
Here’s what changed everything: I started talking to money like a friend. Not the “let’s split the bill 50/50 even though I had salad” kind, but the “I’ll cover dinner because you Venmo’d me last time” kind. Three game-changers:
1. The “Money Mirror” Exercise (awkward but life-changing): Stare at your bank balance daily without judgment. Breathe through the nausea. It’s just data, not your worth.
2. Rewrite Your Script: When I caught myself thinking “I’m bad with money,” I replaced it with “I’m learning.” Progress > perfection.
3. The Rage Budget: Allocate $20/month to burn (safely!) while yelling about capitalism. Cheaper than therapy!
Your Worth ≠ Your Wealth
Here’s the secret they don’t tell you: Healing your money mindset has nothing to do with digits in your account. It’s about stopping the mental loop of “I’ll feel safe when…” and realizing you’re already enough. A client recently cried because she saved $100 without deprivation – not because of the money, but because she proved she could trust herself.
So next time your bank app gives you side-eye, whisper: “We’re both works in progress.” Then go light that “financial security” candle. You’ve earned it. 💅🔥