Okay, real talk: when’s the last time you took yourself out for coffee and actually enjoyed the silence? ☕ I’m not talking about doomscrolling through dating apps at a corner table – I mean really sitting with your thoughts, people-watching, and letting your brain breathe.
Here’s my embarrassing confession: I used to treat solo time like a prison sentence. When my ex and I broke up last year, I panicked-bought tickets to Portugal… then spent three days stress-texting friends back home about how “awkward” it felt to order pasteis de nata alone. 🥐 But halfway through that trip, something wild happened. I got lost in Alfama’s cobblestone alleys, stumbled upon a fado singer’s backyard concert, and realized: Oh. I’m actually fantastic company.
Turns out, neuroscience backs this up. A 2022 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who regularly engage in “self-dating” activities develop stronger emotional regulation skills – basically, we become less likely to morph into that unhinged “WHY AREN’T YOU TEXTING BACK” version of ourselves when relationships get messy.
Here’s why stealing yourself for solo adventures works magic on relationships:
1️⃣ Solo Dates Build Self-Awareness (That Love Bombing Can’t Fake)
Last month, I dragged myself to a modern art exhibit that looked like someone’s garage sale meets acid trip. 🎨 At first, I hated it. Then I realized: Wait – I actually do hate abstract sculptures shaped like toenails. My last boyfriend adored this stuff, and I’d always pretended to “get it.” Knowing your authentic preferences – from art to how you take your eggs – stops you from performing compatibility.
2️⃣ The Confidence Glow-Up Is Real
There’s nothing sexier than someone who doesn’t need constant validation. When I started hiking solo (read: falling into mud puddles and laughing about it 🏔️), I stopped obsessing over whether dates found me “outdoorsy enough.” Funny thing? My current partner says that exact unbothered energy made him intrigued.
3️⃣ You Stop Settling for Crumbs
My friend Lena (name changed) used to tolerate guys who’d “forget” her allergy info… until she took a solo food tour through Mexico City. “When you’ve tasted what truly lights up your senses,” she told me, “you can’t go back to lukewarm nachos or lukewarm relationships.”
How to Actually Enjoy Your Own Company (No, It’s Not Weird)
Start small! Last Tuesday, I wore my rattiest sweater to an indie bookstore café and read smutty romance novels for two hours. Zero makeup, zero agenda. Did someone side-eye my snort-laugh at a dragon shifter scene? Probably. Did I care? Nope – because I’d already decided my joy mattered more than strangers’ opinions.
The kicker? My relationship improved because I stopped treating it like my main source of novelty. Now when my partner suggests skydiving (hard pass), I can say “You do you, babe!” while planning my perfect spa day – no guilt, no FOMO.
So here’s your homework: This weekend, do one thing that makes your inner child clap. Maybe it’s ordering that ridiculous rainbow cocktail, or finally taking that pottery class. Your future self – and your future relationships – will high-five you for it. 💫
