Okay confession time: I almost murdered seven succulents last year. 🌵💀 Now they’re funding my Costa Rica rainforest retreat. Let’s unpack this hot mess of how my “basic plant lady” phase became a $3K/month side hustle without losing my mind or my 9-to-5 sanity.
From Overwatered Cacti to Overflowing Bank Accounts
It started when my therapist said: “Maybe stop doomscrolling and touch grass?” I bought a $5 dying clearance-rack jade plant instead. Three months later, my apartment looked like a jungle threw up on Anthropologie. Friends kept asking for cuttings, then strangers slid into my DMs: “How do you keep string-of-pearls alive?!”
That’s when I accidentally became a plant coach. Not selling plants – selling confidence. Charging $45/hr to video-chat with terrified new plant parents felt ridiculous…until PayPal notifications started singing like morning birds. 🤑
The Golden Rule They Don’t Tell You
My lawyer friend Sarah (name changed, she’d sue me) built a baking side hustle…then developed a flour allergy. Classic. Here’s the secret sauce: Monetize what energizes you, not just what you’re good at.
I track my energy like my Apple Watch tracks steps. Coaching plant newbies gives me a buzz; creating content drains me. Solution? I hired a broke art student to film Reels with my plants. Now I earn while she gets portfolio pieces. Win-win.
The 7pm-2am Grind Myth (Debunked)
“Hustle culture” lied to us. My system:
1. The Power Hour – Sunday nights, I batch-create all content wearing my rattiest PJs
2. Energy Mapping – Turns out I’m useless after 8pm (wine o’clock doesn’t count)
3. The 85% Rule – Only take clients who laugh at my plant memes
Pro tip: My Google Calendar color codes:
– Green = plant biz
– Red = corporate job
– Purple = “don’t talk to me I’m regenerating”
When Failure Smells Like Fertilizer
That time I tried selling hand-painted pots? Disaster. The “rustic chic” ones looked like toddler art. Lost $300 but gained clarity: Stick to what makes your soul hum.
Now I partner with local ceramicists instead – they get exposure, I get commissions. Better yet? When clients kill their plants (it happens!), we turn it into a “compost coaching session.” Yes, I charge extra for grief counseling. 🌱⚰️
The Unsexy Truth About Sustainability
Bankrate says 39% of Americans have side hustles. But here’s my manifesto: Profit without purpose is burnout confetti.
My “why” shifts constantly:
– 2021: Escape cubicle hell
– 2022: Fund pottery classes
– 2023: Create a “plant therapy” scholarship fund
Your Turn (But Let’s Be Chill About It)
Start small: What do people beg you to do for free? My first paid gig was texting plant care tips to my dentist’s receptionist. Venmo $5 at a time adds up!
Final thought: My plants still sometimes look tragic. But now when leaves drop, I see dollar signs. 💸 Follow for part two where I’ll explain how talking to ferns improved my dating life (seriously).
