Okay, let’s get real for a sec. Imagine 23-year-old me, fresh out of uni, walking into a tech startup where the “casual Friday” uniform was still hoodies… but only in men’s sizes. I spent my first month nodding along in meetings like a bobblehead 🤪, terrified of sounding “too emotional” or—god forbid—”bossy.” Then I met her at a women-in-tech mixer. Let’s call her Sarah (not her real name, obvi). She slid into my DMs like, “Hey, I noticed you’re allergic to taking credit for your ideas. Let’s fix that over matcha.”
That’s when I learned mentorship isn’t about stiff Zoom calls with generic career advice. It’s about having someone who gets the unspoken rules of surviving boy’s clubs. Sarah taught me to strategically deploy phrases like “I actually just said that” (with a chill smile) when dudes talked over me. We role-played salary negotiations using her iconic “Beyoncé-at-a-board-meeting” energy. And when I cried after a manager called my presentation “feisty” (spoiler: he didn’t mean it as a compliment), she didn’t say “be resilient.” She said, “Let’s dissect why that label made you furious—and weaponize that.”
Here’s the tea: A 2022 study found women with female mentors in STEM fields are 47% more likely to stay in their roles long-term. But here’s what the data doesn’t show—the midnight voice notes dissecting mansplaining incidents, the shared Google Docs of comebacks for sexist microaggressions, or the weirdly therapeutic rants about being called “aggressive” for… checks notes… doing our jobs competently.
Mentorship in male-dominated spaces isn’t just about climbing ladders. It’s about rebuilding the damn playground. Sarah showed me how to claim physical space in rooms full of sprawling manspreaders (“Own that armrest, babe”), how to turn “You’re so articulate!” backflips into promotions, and why we NEED to gossip strategically (PSA: Sharing which VPs ignore women’s emails isn’t petty—it’s intel).
But the real magic? Watching my mentor’s own mentors—women who coded in pant suits during the ‘90s tech boom—swap war stories about debugging sexism before Slack existed. Their generational WhatsApp group is basically a living archive of “how to thrive without becoming one of the bros.”
To anyone thinking “But I don’t have a mentor!”—start small. Slide into the DMs of that mid-level designer who always wears statement earrings to shareholder meetings. Join virtual coworking sessions hosted by women in your field. And if all else fails, channel your inner mentor: I now “accidentally” CC junior devs on emails showcasing their work. Paying it forward feels like rebellion.