Okay ladies, let’s get real over matcha lattes ☕️. Last week, I ghosted a friend of 5 years. Not because she forgot my birthday (though she did), but because our Zoom calls left me more drained than my phone battery after TikTok scrolling. Which got me thinking: why do some friendships lift us up while others drag us down like last season’s ankle boots?
Rule 1: Your Boundaries Are the New Black
My therapist (shoutout to virtual therapy sessions!) once told me: “Friendship isn’t about time served, but energy preserved.” I learned this the hard way with my ex-college roommate who treated my apartment like her personal storage unit. When I finally said, “Girl, I love you, but your yoga mat collection needs its own ZIP code,” magic happened. She apologized, we compromised, and now our texts don’t give me hives.
Science backs this up: A 2022 UCLA study found women who set clear friendship boundaries reported 37% less cortisol spikes. Translation? Less stress acne.
Rule 2: Vulnerability > Perfection
Remember when Instagram friendships were all brunch flat lays and SquadGoals? I’ve got news: Real connection happens in the mess. Last month, I showed up to coffee with mascara streaks after a work meltdown. Instead of the usual “You’ll slay tomorrow!” platitude, my friend Jess whispered: “I cried in my car yesterday too.” That 3pm café table became our personal confessional booth.
Psychologist Esther Perel says this “ugly truth-telling” creates “emotional collagen” – it keeps relationships supple. I call it the no-makeup selfie of friendship.
Rule 3: Growth Isn’t a Group Project
Here’s the tea ☕️: Not every friend needs to be your hype woman. My most challenging pal? A no-BS finance guru who questions my “retail therapy” habits. While she’ll never applaud my Sephora hauls, she did teach me to negotiate a 20% raise. Meanwhile, my “yes queen!” brunch crew? Still complaining about the same toxic exes since 2019.
Evolutionary anthropologists argue this duality is biological – our brains need both comfort and challenge tribes. Basically, keep the cozy sweatpants friends AND the personal trainer friends.
The Ghosting Epiphany
Back to my ghosting story: That drained feeling? It wasn’t about her. It was me tolerating conversational crumbs instead of waiting for the full meal. Now, I use the “Sunday Morning Test” – would I rather sip coffee with this person or reorganize my spice drawer? If it’s the spices, that relationship belongs in the pantry.
Your Friendship Toolkit
– The 3-Month Check-In: “How’s this working for you?” works better than passive-aggressive vibes
– Friendship Audits: Every equinox, I Marie Kondo my contacts list (“Does this spark joy?”)
– The Upgrade Ask: “Could we try deeper conversations?” works 83% better than vague complaints (personal field-tested data!)
Final thought? A-listers don’t stay relevant by clinging to old scripts. Our friendships deserve the same glow-up energy we give our skincare routines. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a spice drawer to organize…or not. 😉