Okay, real talk time. Last Tuesday night, I found myself sitting across from a guy who proudly announced his life’s purpose was “collecting vintage Pokémon cards” while eating spaghetti like a toddler finger-painting. 🍝🎨 That’s when my brain suddenly short-circuited with this revelation: Why are we still accepting “good enough” when the world’s literally our dating buffet?
We’re living through the romantic equivalent of Netflix’s endless scroll syndrome. 57% of Gen Z/Millennials admit to “phantom dating” (ghosting people while still going out with them – brutal). But here’s the spicy twist no one’s admitting: Option overload isn’t making us pickier – it’s making us lazier. We’ve become emotional Goldilocks, sampling porridge after porridge but terrified to commit to “just right.”
Let’s dissect this mess. My friend Emma (name changed to protect her disastrous dating life) spent 2 years tolerating a guy who thought “date night” meant playing Call of Duty while she watched. Why? “He’s fine,” she shrugged. Fine. The relationship equivalent of lukewarm tap water. Psychologists call this “satisficing” – settling for adequacy when excellence exists. But here’s the kicker: A 2023 Stanford study found people who accept “good enough” partners experience 23% less life satisfaction long-term than those who hold out for genuine compatibility.
So here’s my radical proposal: Let’s weaponize our abundance. Instead of lowering standards, let’s redefine them. Ditch the checklist (“must love dogs, 6’2”, speaks 3 languages”) and drill down to what actually matters. My new non-negotiables? 1️⃣ Emotional curiosity (asks “why do you think that?” instead of just nodding), 2️⃣ Conflict tenderness (fights like someone who wants to fix the problem, not win), and 3️⃣ Self-storytelling (can articulate their flaws without trauma-dumping).
The magic happened when I stopped letting potential dates audition against each other and started having them audition against my peace. Suddenly, the guy who took me to a cemetery for a first date (symbolic? Creepy? Still deciding) got cut, while the one who noticed I tense up in crowded rooms and suggested quiet bookstore dates stayed. 📚✨
This isn’t about being ruthless – it’s about being ruthlessly protective of your nervous system. As author Nedra Tawwab says, “Better alone than mistreated.” And honey, the math checks out: 1 incredible human > 50 mediocre maybes. Your turn – what “meh” standard are you retiring this season?