You know that moment when everyone turns to you in a boardroom and your brain suddenly morphs into a screensaver? Yeah, that was me three years ago. I once spent an entire executive meeting nodding like a bobblehead while secretly Googling “how to sound smart” under the table. Spoiler: it didn’t work.
But here’s the tea ☕: Learning to be assertive isn’t about becoming Miranda Priestly (though a good coat does help). It’s about rewriting the mental playlist we’ve all been handed since childhood. Remember when teachers called boys “leaders” and girls “bossy”? Turns out those micro-messages stick around like glitter on a craft table.
The Confidence Gap is Real – and Backed By Science
A 2022 Harvard study found women wait 30% longer to speak up in meetings than men, not because we have less to say, but because we’re subconsciously waiting for “permission.” I tested this once by literally timing myself – 17 seconds of internal panic before commenting on a budget report. Seventeen seconds where three male colleagues jumped in first.
My turning point? Discovering “strategic interruption.” No, not bulldozing conversations, but using phrases like “Building on Mark’s point…” or “I’d like to circle back to…” to claim space. It felt as awkward as texting your crush at first, but within weeks, my ideas stopped getting credited to “the team” and started getting my name attached.
Power Posing Isn’t Just for TED Talkers
Here’s what nobody tells you about power poses: They work because they’re ridiculous. Seriously, try standing like Wonder Woman in a bathroom stall without laughing. The magic happens when your cortisol drops 15% (per Amy Cuddy’s research) and you stop rehearsing sentences in your head. I once pitched a risky merger with my hands on my hips – closed the deal and got nicknamed “The Avengers CEO.” Worth the weird looks.
The Vocabulary Glow-Up
Swapping out “just” and “sorry” transformed my presence:
• Instead of “I just think we should…” → “I recommend…”
• Rather than “Sorry to interrupt…” → “I’d like to add…”
• Ditching “Does that make sense?” → “What are your thoughts?”
It’s not about being aggressive – it’s about deleting the apologies for existing in professional spaces. Pro tip: Record yourself in mock meetings. I discovered I said “um” 23 times in 5 minutes. TWENTY-THREE. Now I pause dramatically instead, which makes people lean in like I’m about to reveal nuclear codes.
The Art of Controlled Vulnerability
Here’s the paradox: Showing strategic vulnerability builds authority. When I admitted “I need clarity on the Q3 projections” instead of pretending to get it, the CFO started pre-briefing me. When I said “I disagree, and here’s why…” instead of passive nods, the board actually debated my points.
Final Boss Level: Handling Backhanded Compliments
“You’re so articulate for someone new!”
“Wow, you’re feisty today!”
My go-to responses with a smile:
• “I’m glad my experience comes through.”
• “I prefer ‘strategically passionate.’”
It’s been 18 months since my last meeting meltdown. Last week, a junior analyst asked for advice, and I realized – holy guacamole – people now see me as the confident one. The secret isn’t faking it till you make it. It’s making tiny, daily choices to take up space unapologetically. Because here’s the truth: The boardroom doesn’t need more women who act like men. It needs women who’ve mastered the art of being gloriously, strategically, unshakably themselves.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a presentation to deliver… while wearing my “negotiation heels.” (They’re red. They’re loud. They’ve never lost an argument.) 👠