Okay, let’s get real. I’m sitting here with my third oat milk latte ☕️, wearing yesterday’s mascara (fight me), and suddenly it hits me: Why does everyone talk about “leaning in” but never about tripping over your own ambition?
Three years ago, I launched my eco-period underwear brand from my Brooklyn studio apartment. My “board meetings” involved my cat knocking over prototype sketches. Fast-forward to today: We’ve diverted 12 tons of plastic from landfills. But between you and me? I’ve ugly-cried in more Uber rides than I’d care to admit.
Here’s what Silicon Valley bros won’t tell you:
1. The “Bootstrap” Myth is Bullsht (But Here’s How to Play the Game)
Did you know female founders receive <2% of venture capital? I didn’t—until I pitched to a guy who asked if my PMS would affect quarterly projections. 🤡 Instead of chasing Sand Hill Road, I bartered: Traded SEO skills for legal advice, swapped inventory storage with a ceramicist for her email list. Pro tip: Your community > cold emails.
2. Your Uterus is a Superpower (No, Really)
Harvard Business Review found menstruating CEOs make 28% fewer risky decisions during luteal phase. When my co-founder Jess (name changed because NDAs) and I sync cycles? Our product testing sessions turn into ruthless innovation marathons. We keep cycle trackers next to our financial dashboards.
3. The 3am Anxiety Protocol™
Every founder knows the dread: What if I’m just an over-caffeinated fraud? My therapist taught me this: Keep a “Fck It List”—not goals, but fears to release. Mine included “Being compared to Glossier” and “TikTok teens roasting our packaging.” Burn it monthly. Literally. (Safety tip: Use a metal bowl.)
The Unsexy Stuff That Actually Matters:
– Hire Your “Vibe Counterpart”
I’m all rainbows and big-picture visions. My operations lead? A spreadsheet sorceress who color-codes our trash bins. Our tension creates balance—like yin yang with profit margins.
– The 7-Minute Ugly Cry Rule
Set a timer. Scream into your $98 “self-care” weighted blanket. Then wash your face with whatever’s nearby (sriracha works in a pinch). Productivity isn’t linear—it’s chaotic confetti.
Final Truth Bomb:
Last month, a 19-year-old DM’d me: “How do I become you?” I replied: “Become you, but louder. Also, invest in stain-resistant blazers.”
The real toolkit isn’t in Notion templates or LinkedIn fluff. It’s in embracing the messy, magical duality of building empires while forgetting to pluck your chin hairs. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to explain to my accountant why we’re deducting a “rage room” session as team building.
