Okay, let’s get real. Last week, I accidentally spilled oat milk latte on my laptop while Googling “why does my bank account look sad?” 💸 Spoiler: It wasn’t the caffeine’s fault. Turns out, my “safe” savings account was growing slower than my aloe plant in a dark studio apartment. Girl, same? 😑
That’s when I stumbled into the ~~~wild world~~~ of financial feminism—aka investing by women, for women. And honey, it’s not your dad’s stock picks. Let me tell you why this isn’t just a trend—it’s a revolution with compound interest.
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1. The Patriarchy’s Portfolio is Boring (and Broke)
Did you know women outperform men in investing by 1.8% annually? (Shoutout to Warwick Business School for the tea ☕). Yet, we still get stuck with “cute” financial advice like “save for purses!” while men get handed hedge funds. I tried explaining ESG investing to my male advisor once—he looked at me like I’d asked him to knit a crypto wallet. 🧶
Here’s the kicker: 73% of women feel misunderstood by traditional finance bros (Fidelity 2023 data). No wonder my old advisor kept suggesting “low-risk bonds” while side-eyeing my career break.
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2. My Awkward First Date With a Feminist Robo-Advisor
I joined a women-led investing app (let’s call it HerCapital 👀) that asked me actual questions:
– “Do you care about childcare startups?”
– “Want to fund renewable energy and menstrual equity?”
– “Should we auto-skip companies with all-male boards?”
It felt like Tinder, but for my dividends. Swipe right on climate tech! Left on fossil fuels! And the best part? Their algorithm adjusts for the gender pay gap and career breaks. Finally, someone who gets that my 20s included both grad school and therapy bills.
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3. The Secret Sauce? Women Invest Differently
We’re not here to “beat the market.” We’re here to redesign it. Studies show women:
– Hold investments 18% longer than men (less panic-selling!)
– Allocate 2x more to social impact projects
– Build diversified portfolios (read: not YOLO-ing on Dogecoin)
When I invested in a female-founded STEM mentorship platform, I didn’t just get returns—I got updates like “Your $ funded Maria’s AI coding bootcamp!” Cue happy tears. 💻💧
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4. Your ‘Financial Coven’ Starter Pack
1. The 5% Rule: Start with 5% of your income in gender-lens ETFs (mine’s called SHE-RO 💪).
2. Vote With Your $$: Move retirement funds to firms with female CEOs.
3. Learn Like a Gossip Chat: Follow @InvestHerHumor on Insta—they explain blockchain using Real Housewives memes.
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5. Why This Feels Like Midnight Pizza With Your Besties
Last month, I attended a virtual “Investing Pyjama Party” hosted by a finance collective. We analyzed Netflix’s stock while roasting Love Is Blind. One woman shared how she bought Tesla shares to spite her ex—iconic.
This isn’t just money. It’s about building systems that value caregiving, equity, and that time we all took off work during COVID to homeschool kids and fix the Wi-Fi.
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Final Confession: My portfolio isn’t perfect. I still own accidental shares in a sketchy shrimp farm (long story). But for the first time, my money aligns with my rage against pink-taxed razors and my obsession with biodegradable glitter. 💅
Ready to make Wall Street your feminist playground? Drop your best/worst investing story below—let’s normalize talking money without men explaining CAGR to us. 😘