Okay, real talk: how many times have you scrolled past a “love yourself” post and rolled your eyes so hard you saw your brain? 🙃 I used to think confidence was just hashtag activism until I accidentally became That Girl at a work meeting who said “I disagree” without prefacing it with “Sorry if this sounds dumb, but…” Spoiler: the sky didn’t fall. In fact, my male colleague stole my idea 20 minutes later and called it “visionary.” 💀
Let’s unpack this. Confidence isn’t about strutting into rooms like a peacock on espresso (though you do you, boo). A Harvard study found women systematically underestimate their abilities compared to men—even when performing equally. We’ve been socially conditioned to mistake confidence for arrogance, like we’re all stuck in some Jane Austen novel where speaking up gets you labeled “difficult.” Newsflash: it’s 2024, and quiet desperation is so last season.
Here’s what changed my game: confidence isn’t feeling certain—it’s acting despite uncertainty. My therapist (shoutout to unpaid emotional labor!) once made me track how often I said “just” in emails (“just checking in…” “just wondering…”). Turns out I’d been apologizing for existing 37 times a week. Thirty. Seven. 😱 When I switched to “I recommend” instead of “maybe we could consider?”, clients started taking my proposals seriously. Wild concept: occupying space unapologetically.
But wait—there’s science! Researchers at Cornell found that women who practiced “power posing” (think Wonder Woman stance) for 2 minutes daily had 20% higher testosterone levels within a week. I tried this before salary negotiations and accidentally manifested a 15% raise. Pro tip: do it in bathroom stalls to avoid weird looks from your cat. 🐈
The real tea? Confidence is rebellion. Ancient Greeks called it parrhesia—fearless speech. Medieval women got burned for it. Today? We get called “bossy” while doing the same emotional labor that keeps society functioning (looking at you, 76% of unpaid care work). But here’s the plot twist: true confidence isn’t loud. It’s the quiet “no” to toxic relationships. The unshakable “I’ll try again tomorrow” after failure. The radical act of believing your needs matter.
Three actionable tricks I stole from neuroscience:
1️⃣ Stop self-deprecating as social glue – Joking “I’m such a mess” primes others to see you that way. Swap with specific wins: “Spilled coffee on my report… but nailed the financial forecast!” ☕📊
2️⃣ Curate your “confidence archive” – Keep a folder of praise emails, nice texts, that one time you parallel parked perfectly. Review when impostor syndrome hits.
3️⃣ Adopt “temporary confidence” – Tell yourself “I’ll be confident for just 5 minutes” before scary tasks. Momentum does the rest.
Final thought: Confidence isn’t a finish line—it’s daily resistance against a world that profits from our self-doubt. Every time you state an unpopular opinion, negotiate a bill, or wear the red lipstick “just because,” you’re rewriting centuries of programming. And honey? That’s how revolutions start. 💄✊