Okay girls, let’s get real. Remember that panic attack you had last week when your latte cost $7.50? Yeah, me too. But here’s the plot twist – last Thursday, I accidentally opened my business account instead of my personal one and nearly choked on my gluten-free avocado toast. The numbers didn’t just grow – they were doing yoga stretches. 🧘♀️💰
This wasn’t some fairytale. Three years ago, I was crying in office bathrooms because my boss thought “leadership potential” meant fetching his dry cleaning. The turning point? When I spilled cold brew on my keyboard during another soul-crushing Zoom call. That caffeinated disaster became my business plan draft (true story).
Let’s talk about the elephant in the boardroom: Women still only get 2% of venture capital funding. TWO. PERCENT. But here’s my devious little secret – that’s why we’re winning. When Shark Tank rejects your pitch for being “too niche,” you learn to bootstrap like Marie Kondo organizing a studio apartment. My first product launch was funded by selling vintage clothes on Depop and a questionable decision to cancel three streaming subscriptions.
The magic happens when we stop playing business Bingo. That candle business? Started because my apartment smelled like burnt toast for six months. The accidental meditation app? Born from recording voice memos to stop myself from texting my ex. Our “random” ideas solve actual problems – like how I convinced 12,000 women that mushroom coffee is better than therapy (it is, fight me).
Here’s what corporate feminism won’t tell you:
1) Your trauma coupons are valid currency (my entire skincare line exists because of hormonal acne trauma)
2) “Networking” is just making friends who won’t judge your 3am business plan texts
3) Profit margins improve dramatically when you stop apologizing for existing
I nearly crashed the ship six months in. Thought I needed fancy tools – spent $300 on a course about “synergistic paradigm shifts.” Translated? Corporate word salad. The breakthrough came watching a TikTok of a teenager selling custom airpod cases. She had three things:
– A glue gun from Walmart
– Zero chill in the comments section
– The confidence of a nepo baby at Coachella
That’s when I realized: We’re not building empires. We’re planting dandelions in concrete cracks. My friend Amira (name changed because she’s currently negotiating with Target) started a period underwear line using fabric scraps from her mom’s sari shop. Now she’s got a waitlist longer than the line for Beyoncé tickets.
Financial freedom isn’t about Lamborghinis (though hi, future me). It’s about:
– That giddy feeling when you pay a bill without checking your balance
– Hiring your little sister as “Chief Vibes Officer”
– Telling predatory lenders “I’d rather eat glass” with a straight face
The secret ingredient? Community. My business grew teeth when I joined a group of women who trade skills instead of cash – graphic design for copywriting, SEO help for sourdough starters (pandemic skills never die). We’ve created our own damn economy in a Slack channel.
To the woman reading this while her boss mansplains for the third time today: Your side hustle doesn’t need to be perfect. It needs to exist. Start with what’s in your Notes app right now. That half-baked idea about eco-friendly nail polish? The world needs that more than another billionaire’s space penis rocket.
