Okay honey, let’s get real. 🍷👠 Last Tuesday, I was halfway through a Zoom meeting when my boss said, “We need someone to lead the new client project,” and three male colleagues immediately raised their hands. Meanwhile, I sat there mentally drafting a PowerPoint to prove I deserved it. Sound familiar? Sips matcha latte dramatically. Let’s unpack why women keep doing mental gymnastics before claiming opportunities – and how to break the cycle.
The Confidence Gap Isn’t Your Fault (But Let’s Hack It Anyway)
Did you know women apply for jobs only when they meet 100% of qualifications, while men apply at 60%? 🎯 I learned this after failing to pitch myself for a promotion (I only had 18 months’ experience instead of the required 24!). My career coach dropped this bomb: “Honey, we’re not playing the same game. Men are auditioning; women are taking final exams.”
So I started reframing. When my company needed a cross-departmental liaison, I volunteered despite zero “official” leadership experience. Turns out, my secret weapon – organizing chaotic PTA meetings while breastfeeding – made me a negotiation ninja. The project succeeded, and I got promoted. Moral? Your “unrelated” skills are cheat codes.
The Visibility Paradox: Be Seen Without Being “Too Much”
Here’s the tightrope we walk: Be assertive but not aggressive. Confident but not cocky. Professional but not cold. 😑 During my first executive presentation, I practiced in heels at home to own the room (pro tip: power poses in bathroom stalls work wonders). But when I brought data showing our team’s 30% efficiency boost, my male counterpart got praised for “big-picture thinking” while I was called “detail-oriented.”
Solution? I started attaching dollar signs to my achievements. Instead of “improved processes,” it became “generated $217K annual savings.” Suddenly, my “attention to detail” became “strategic cost management.” 💸 Language matters, babes.
The Sponsorship Secret They Don’t Tell You
Mentors give advice; sponsors give opportunities. I learned this when a senior leader (not my boss!) noticed I’d trained 14 new hires voluntarily. She threw my name into the director candidate pool – turns out, developing talent is leadership gold. 🏆 Now I intentionally:
1) Share wins in casual chats (“So excited – my mentee just closed her first deal!”)
2) Volunteer for high-visibility side projects (hello, holiday party planning committee)
3) Send quarterly “update” emails highlighting team wins (subtle brag included)
Negotiation Is a Dance, Not a Battle
My biggest raise came after I almost vomited from nerves. 🤑 Key moves:
– Anchored high: Asked for 25% more than target
– Used “we” language: “How can we structure this to reflect market benchmarks?”
– Stayed silent first (the 7-second rule is AGONY but works)
Got 18% plus flexible Fridays. Moral? Discomfort is currency.
When Ambition Feels Like Guilty Pleasure
For two years, I hid my MBA classes because “good moms” shouldn’t be “too ambitious.” Then I met a VP who carried baby photos in her portfolio. Her advice: “Stop apologizing for wanting both. Bring cupcakes to meetings you fought to attend.” 🧁 Now I openly block calendar slots for kid stuff – and encourage my team to do the same. Productivity skyrocketed. Who knew?
Your Homework (But Not That Kind):
1) Audit your last 6 months: List every tiny win (even that email you debugged at midnight)
2) Identify one silent sponsor (Who benefits from your success?)
3) Practice saying “I recommend…” instead of “Maybe we could…”
The corporate jungle gym isn’t built for our stilettos, darling. But we’re the queens of walking through fire in flammable leggings. Next time opportunity knocks, answer like you’ve been expecting it – because you have. 🚪💃 Now excuse me while I go invoice someone for this free therapy session.