So, I was scrolling through my phone the other day (as one does), and I realized something: I’ve been ghosting my own feelings. Like, seriously. I’d send a text like, “I’m fine,” when really, I was anything but. Sound familiar? 😅
Let’s talk about communication in relationships—not the “how was your day, honey?” kind, but the real, raw, messy stuff that actually builds bridges instead of walls. Because let’s be honest, most of us aren’t taught how to communicate effectively. We’re taught to be polite, to avoid conflict, and to keep the peace. But what if I told you that avoiding the hard conversations is what’s actually keeping you from having the healthy, fulfilling relationships you deserve?
Here’s the thing: communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about listening, understanding, and being vulnerable. And vulnerability? That’s the secret sauce. It’s scary, I know. But it’s also the key to building trust and intimacy.
Let me give you an example. A few months ago, I was in a situation where I felt like my partner wasn’t prioritizing me. Instead of addressing it, I did what I always do—I bottled it up and then exploded like a shaken soda can. Not my finest moment. But here’s what I learned: when I finally sat down and said, “Hey, I’ve been feeling really unimportant lately, and it’s been hard for me,” something amazing happened. Instead of defensiveness or anger, my partner listened. And guess what? They had no idea I was feeling that way.
That’s the power of clear, honest communication. It’s not about blaming or accusing; it’s about expressing your feelings in a way that invites understanding and connection.
But let’s get real for a second. Communicating effectively isn’t always easy. It takes practice, patience, and a whole lot of self-awareness. Here are a few things that have helped me along the way:
1. Name Your Feelings: This might sound basic, but it’s so important. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try saying, “I’m feeling hurt because…” or “I’m feeling anxious about…” When you name your feelings, you take the first step toward understanding and addressing them.
2. Listen Without Judgment: This one’s tough, especially when you’re in the heat of the moment. But try to listen to what the other person is saying without immediately jumping to conclusions or getting defensive. Sometimes, all someone needs is to feel heard.
3. Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try saying, “I feel unheard when…” This shifts the focus from blame to your own experience, which can help prevent the other person from getting defensive.
4. Be Willing to Be Wrong: This is a big one. Sometimes, we get so caught up in being right that we forget the goal is understanding, not winning. Be open to the possibility that you might have misunderstood or overreacted.
5. Take a Time-Out: If things get too heated, it’s okay to take a break. Sometimes, stepping away for a few minutes (or hours) can give you the space you need to calm down and gather your thoughts.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve got this all figured out. I still mess up. I still say the wrong thing sometimes. But the difference is, I’m trying. And that’s what matters.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that communication isn’t a one-time thing. It’s an ongoing process. It’s about showing up, day after day, and being willing to have the hard conversations. It’s about being honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. And it’s about building a foundation of trust and understanding that can weather any storm.
So, if you’ve been ghosting your feelings like I was, I challenge you to stop. Take a deep breath, and start building those bridges. It’s not always easy, but I promise, it’s worth it.
And hey, if you’ve got any tips or stories about communication in relationships, I’d love to hear them. Let’s keep the conversation going. 💬