Okay, ladies, let’s get real for a second. 💁‍♀️ How many of us have been on dates where we’re trying so hard to impress the other person that we forget to ask ourselves, “Do I even like them?” Or worse, “Do I even like myself when I’m with them?” 🙃 If you’re nodding your head right now, trust me, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, done that, and bought the overpriced cocktail to go with it. But here’s the tea: the secret to finding true happiness in dating isn’t about finding the “perfect” partner—it’s about becoming the best version of YOU first.
Let’s rewind a bit. A few years ago, I was in this cycle of dating people who were, let’s just say, not exactly my vibe. I’d meet someone, get all excited, and then slowly realize I was bending over backward to make it work. I’d ignore red flags, suppress my own needs, and basically turn into a human pretzel trying to fit into their life. Spoiler alert: it never ended well. I’d feel drained, disappointed, and honestly, a little lost.
Then one day, after yet another “situationship” fizzled out, I had this epiphany: maybe the problem wasn’t them—it was me. Not in a “I’m the worst” kind of way, but in a “I’m not showing up as my best self” kind of way. I realized I was looking for someone to complete me, to make me feel worthy, to fill this void I didn’t even know I had. And guess what? That’s a lot of pressure to put on another person.
So, I decided to take a break from dating and focus on myself. And no, I’m not talking about the cliché “I’m going to work on myself” thing where you buy a yoga mat and never use it. I’m talking about a deep, intentional, sometimes uncomfortable journey of self-discovery. I started journaling, going to therapy, and spending time alone—like, actually alone, without Netflix as a buffer. I learned how to enjoy my own company, how to set boundaries, and how to say no without feeling guilty.
And here’s the crazy part: the more I fell in love with myself, the less I tolerated BS from other people. I stopped chasing after people who didn’t value me, and I started attracting people who actually did. It’s like the universe was like, “Oh, you’re finally getting it? Cool, here’s someone who’s actually worth your time.”
Now, I’m not saying you have to be “perfect” to be in a relationship. Newsflash: no one is perfect, and that’s not the goal. The goal is to be secure in who you are, to know your worth, and to not compromise on the things that truly matter to you. When you love yourself first, you’re not looking for someone to complete you—you’re looking for someone to complement you.
And let’s be honest, dating is so much more fun when you’re not constantly second-guessing yourself. You’re more confident, more relaxed, and way less likely to overanalyze every text message. (Raise your hand if you’ve ever spent hours decoding a “Hey” text. 🙋‍♀️) When you’re secure in yourself, you can actually enjoy the process instead of treating it like a high-stakes job interview.
So, if you’re feeling stuck in your dating life, here’s my advice: stop looking for “the one” and start becoming “the one” for yourself. Take yourself on dates, celebrate your wins, and don’t be afraid to walk away from anything that doesn’t serve you. Because at the end of the day, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
And hey, if you’re thinking, “But what if I never find someone?” Let me remind you: you’re already whole. You don’t need a partner to be happy. But when you do find someone who adds to your life, it’ll be because you chose them, not because you needed them. And that, my friends, is the ultimate power move. 💪