So, here’s the tea ☕: confidence isn’t something you can just slap on like a bold red lipstick (though, let’s be real, a good red lip does help). It’s not about faking it till you make it or waiting for someone to hand it to you on a silver platter. Nope. Confidence is an inside job, and honestly? It’s messy, it’s personal, and it’s totally worth it.
Let me take you back to a time when I was not the poster child for confidence. Picture this: me, standing in front of a mirror, dissecting every inch of myself like I was preparing for a science fair. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t cute. I was so caught up in what I thought I should look like, act like, be like, that I completely forgot to just… be me. Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing: confidence isn’t about perfection. It’s about embracing the imperfections and owning them like they’re your superpower. Think about it—when was the last time you saw someone who was just themselves, unapologetically, and thought, “Wow, they’re so insecure”? Exactly. Confidence is magnetic because it’s real.
So, how do you get there? Let’s break it down, but not in a “10 steps to confidence” kind of way (because, let’s be honest, life doesn’t come with a manual). Instead, let’s talk about the mindset shifts and little habits that helped me go from “Who am I?” to “Here I am, take it or leave it.”
First up: stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. Social media is a double-edged sword, right? On one hand, it’s inspiring. On the other, it’s a breeding ground for self-doubt. I used to scroll through my feed and feel like I was falling behind in some invisible race. But then I realized—those perfectly curated posts? They’re just that: curated. No one’s life is perfect, and comparing yourself to a filtered version of reality is a one-way ticket to Confidenceville.
Instead, focus on your own journey. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Did you get out of bed today? Win. Did you try something new? Win. Did you wear that outfit you’ve been too scared to rock? Major win. Confidence grows when you start acknowledging your own awesomeness, even if it’s just in tiny doses at first.
Next, let’s talk about self-talk. You know that little voice in your head that loves to point out all your flaws? Yeah, that one. It’s time to evict that negative Nancy and replace her with your biggest cheerleader. I started by catching myself in those moments of self-criticism and asking, “Would I say this to my best friend?” Spoiler: the answer was always no. So why say it to myself?
Start reframing those thoughts. Instead of “I’m so bad at this,” try “I’m learning, and that’s okay.” Instead of “I’ll never be as good as them,” try “I’m on my own path, and that’s what makes me unique.” It sounds cheesy, but over time, those little shifts add up. Your mind believes what you tell it, so why not feed it some positivity?
Another game-changer for me was stepping out of my comfort zone. And no, I don’t mean skydiving or public speaking (unless that’s your thing, in which case, go off). I mean the small, everyday risks that push you to grow. For me, it was saying yes to things that scared me—like attending a networking event solo or speaking up in a meeting. Each time I did something that made me uncomfortable, I proved to myself that I was capable. And guess what? Confidence loves evidence.
Oh, and let’s not forget about the power of self-care. I’m not talking about bubble baths and face masks (though those are great too). I’m talking about the kind of self-care that fuels your soul. For me, that’s journaling, moving my body in ways that feel good, and spending time with people who lift me up. When you take care of yourself, you send a message to your brain that you’re worth it. And when you believe you’re worth it, confidence follows.
Finally, let’s talk about authenticity. Confidence isn’t about being someone you’re not; it’s about being unapologetically you. I used to think I had to fit into a certain mold to be confident—louder, bolder, more extroverted. But here’s the truth: confidence looks different on everyone. For some, it’s speaking up in a crowd. For others, it’s quietly owning their space. Neither is better than the other. The key is to embrace who you are, quirks and all.
So, here’s my challenge to you: start small. Pick one thing that makes you feel like the best version of yourself and do it. Maybe it’s wearing that outfit you’ve been saving for a “special occasion.” Maybe it’s saying no to something that drains you. Maybe it’s simply looking in the mirror and saying, “Hey, you’re doing great.”
Confidence isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. And like any journey, it’s filled with ups, downs, and a whole lot of learning. But trust me, when you start cultivating it from the inside out, the world takes notice. And more importantly, you take notice.
So go ahead, unlock that inner glow. You’ve got this. 💖