So, here’s the tea ☕: I’ve been on more first dates than I can count (okay, maybe I can count them, but let’s not go there). Some were magical, some were… well, let’s just say I’ve learned a lot about what to do and what NOT to do in this wild, wild world of modern dating. If you’re out there swiping, sliding into DMs, or just trying to figure out if that guy from the coffee shop is into you, this one’s for you. Let’s dive in, shall we?
First off, let’s talk about the apps. Oh, the apps. They’re like a buffet of potential partners, but sometimes you end up with food poisoning, you know? I used to swipe right on everyone who looked decent, thinking, “Why not? Maybe they’re my soulmate!” Spoiler alert: they weren’t. Now, I’m more selective. If their bio says “just ask” or “I’m bad at bios,” I’m out. If you can’t put in the effort to write three sentences about yourself, how are you going to put effort into a relationship?
But here’s the thing: while being selective is important, don’t be too picky. I used to have this laundry list of must-haves: tall, funny, loves dogs, can cook, has a job, doesn’t live with their mom… you get the idea. Then I realized I was basically looking for a unicorn. So, I started focusing on the non-negotiables: kindness, respect, and shared values. Everything else? Bonus points.
Now, let’s talk about the first date. Oh, the first date. I’ve had some that felt like a rom-com and others that felt like a horror movie. Here’s my rule of thumb: keep it casual. Coffee, a walk in the park, or a drink at a cozy bar. No dinner dates. Why? Because if it’s a disaster, you’re stuck there for two hours pretending to enjoy your overpriced pasta. Plus, coffee dates are low-pressure and give you an easy out if you need one.
And speaking of disasters, let’s talk about red flags. If they’re rude to the waiter, run. If they spend the whole date talking about their ex, run faster. And if they bring up marriage or kids on the first date… well, you know what to do. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.
But here’s the flip side: don’t overanalyze everything. I used to obsess over every text, every pause, every emoji. “He sent a heart emoji… does that mean he’s in love with me or just being friendly?” Girl, stop. Sometimes a heart is just a heart. Overthinking will drive you crazy and ruin the fun of getting to know someone.
Speaking of fun, let’s not forget that dating is supposed to be enjoyable. Yes, it can be frustrating and exhausting, but it’s also an opportunity to meet new people, try new things, and learn more about yourself. I’ve discovered so much about what I want (and don’t want) in a partner through dating. And honestly, some of my worst dates have made for the best stories.
Now, let’s get real for a second: rejection is part of the game. Not every date is going to lead to a relationship, and that’s okay. I used to take rejection so personally, like there was something wrong with me. But the truth is, it’s not about you. It’s about compatibility. And if someone doesn’t see your worth, that’s their loss, not yours.
One thing I’ve learned is to be upfront about what you’re looking for. If you’re not into casual dating, say so. If you’re looking for something serious, don’t be afraid to communicate that. It might scare some people off, but those aren’t your people anyway.
And finally, don’t forget to take breaks. Dating can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to step back and focus on yourself for a while. I’ve taken breaks from the apps, from dating altogether, and it’s been some of the most empowering and healing times of my life.
So, there you have it: my modern dating survival guide. It’s not perfect, and it’s definitely not one-size-fits-all, but it’s what’s worked for me. Remember, dating is a journey, not a destination. So, swipe right, swipe left, or just put your phone down and go live your best life. You’ve got this. 💪✨